No way back
by Fantony
Summary: They married the wrong persons, for the wrong reasons, but there is no way back. Slash. HPDM.  implies HP/GW and DM/AG


_**Plot**__: They married the wrong persons, for the wrong reasons, but there is no way back. Slash. HPDM. (implies HP/GW and DM/AG)_

_**Please keep in mind that I'm French, hence the English mistakes! **__**;)**_

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><p><strong>NO WAY BACK<strong>.

The knock on the door is soft, so soft that if Draco Malfoy wasn't looking for his umbrella in the entrance hall, he would have completely missed it.

"Harry..."

Last time Draco saw Harry's face was this morning, on today's issue of the Daily Prophet. He spent about an hour staring at the paper Harry smiling endlessly at him, he traced the contours of the brunette's face with the tip of his fingers, holding back his tears as memories reappeared, until Astoria came back from town and asked him to help her with the shopping bags, taking him out of his reverie.

Last time they talked to each other was... too long ago. An eternity. Or at least it seems so to Malfoy.

"Well, are you gonna stay there all day or are you coming in?" Draco scoffs.

"No... I... I've just popped in... I don't even know why I've knocked at your door... I wasn't expecting you'd be there... but I had this Aurors meeting around here today and... I thought that...maybe..." Harry mutters, staring at the untied lace on one of his shoes.

"Harry... You don't need a reason to come and see me, you know? Maybe you didn't want to knock at my door in the first place, but you did. And I'm _glad_ you did. So don't be ridiculous and come in," the blonde says fondly.

Harry nods but still seems hesitant.

"You're alone?" he asks.

"Yeah. The wife is having a girls tea party Merlin knows where," Draco replies, rolling his eyes.

Harry smiles and steps inside.

Draco looks at him from head to toe. The suit is nice, but one size too big for him, and the hair, as usual, is messy.

"You look awful, Potter," he smirks.

What a lie. Harry will never look awful to him.

Harry chuckles.

"Well, why... Thank you! You've always been good with compliments!" He says ironically. "And you look..." he pauses to look intently at Draco."Beautiful. As always."

"Tea?" Malfoy quickly asks, looking away and trying to hide the pink flush on his cheeks.

"No, don't bother... I won't stay long... I..."

"Potter!" Draco snaps, frowning and folding his arms across his chest.

Harry perfectly knows what the use of his last name combined with that attitude means. It's a lost cause to refuse that cup of tea, and he knows better than to irritate the blonde anyway.

"Alright," he gives up, "I'll have Earl Grey with-"

"A bit of milk but no sugar," Draco finishes his sentence.

He still knows Harry by heart. Every single habit. Every tiny beauty spot on his body. They used to be close. Very close. Much closer than people ever assumed.

Harry grins.

"Yes, please."

"You go and take a seat in the living-room. You know the way," Malfoy says as he walks toward the kitchen. "I'll be there in a minute."

Of course he knows the way. They spent so much time in that living-room. Talking. Laughing. Reading. Making love. Harry tries to chase the memories away and he focuses on a wedding portrait on the mantelpiece. Something tightens in his throat as he looks at Draco kissing Astoria under fireworks.

"What? You're still jealous because I had a much classier wedding suit than yours, Potter?" Draco teases him as he enters the room carrying a tea service on a tray.

Harry laughs and puts the portrait back on the mantelpiece.

"I admit you looked posher than I did, but you know what they say, you can't judge a book by its cover!" Harry sneers.

"Yeah, I know, otherwise, I would have never dated you!"

"Fuck you, Malfoy!"

They burst into laugh and for a few seconds, it feels like the good old times, and Draco forgets what happened since. Forgets that he is married. That they are both married.

He clears his throat and pours tea into Harry's cup.

"Thanks..."

They drink their tea in silence. Silence had never been an issue for them as they've never been the talkative type. They could spend entire evenings without saying a word. But this time, the silence is heavy, too heavy, and makes them both nervous.

"So... how's married life for you?" Draco finally asks, more out of politeness than anything else.

He actually doesn't want to know if Harry and the Weasley girl are planning to have a baby. He doesn't want to know that Harry is happy. Without him. That he is better that way and has no regrets.

"We're great," Harry states, trying to look as confident as possible.

"Good..." the blonde replies with a bitter smile... "That red head... She loves you to bits... Always had... She waited for you for years... And waited again another two years when you broke up with her after the war..."

He too waited for Harry for years. Since their first day at Hogwarts when Harry refused to shake his hand till that first kiss, rough and impatient, during their sixth year. In that bathroom. A kiss that tasted of long-standing hard feelings and hatred, and which had been followed by Draco's worst memory. Then he waited again, until war was over and Harry came back to him, telling him he was the only person who could keep him sane. Draco enjoyed every single moment they shared. Maybe not as much as he should have though. He thought naively that it would never end.

But Harry didn't know how to deal with his feelings. He couldn't stand anymore all the hiding and the lies, but he wasn't ready to tell the whole world that the famous Harry Potter, the boy who killed Voldermort, everyone's hero, the best Auror there's ever been, was gay and in love with Draco Malfoy, his second sworn enemy during his Hogwarts years, and an ex-Death Eater with that. So Harry slowly slipped through Draco's fingers and came back to Ginny. Married her. This was so much easier for him. _For him_...

And it hurt. It hurt so much and Draco was so lost, and Astoria so kind, so sweet, so beautiful, and so blindly in love with him that he proposed her. He convinced himself that he could be happy. Without Harry. That he didn't need him. But the truth is that, as much as he hates himself for doing that to Astoria, he is still waiting. Despite himself.

"Ginny's wonderful..." Harry says as he absently plays with his wedding ring.

"Yeah, she ain't that bad. For a Weasley, that's it." Draco jeers.

Harry smiles. He missed Draco's sarcasms and very own sense of humour so much. But his smile quickly fades away.

"Draco, you were right. We're not happy."

Draco's heart skips a beat. Had he not read the words off Harry's lips, he would have been sure that he had misheard them. He knows he's always wished Harry's happiness, whatever road it took, but he can't help but feeling relieved at those words.

"Well, you love her, she loves you, so what's the matter?"

Harry lets out a long sigh.

"You _know_ what the matter is. Something's missing. She can't be happy because she knows I'll never love her as much as she loves me. And I can't be happy because I know I'll never love her as much as I love you..."

Those are words Draco knows too well, for he thought that word for word a billion times about he and Astoria.

"You're the one who ran away in the first place, Harry..."

"I know... And you'll never know how much I regret this..."

"I begged you not to leave me... I begged you not to say 'yes' at that fucking ceremony... But you never listened to me..."

"I needed time!" Harry protests.

"Time? Yeah... sure..." Draco scoffs, "I've been spending half of my life waiting for you, Harry... So please, don't talk to me about time..."

Boiling with anger, he stands up and walks towards the window. It will be easier to tell him to go away if those deep green eyes are not looking at him. He knows he has to tell him to go away. They can't turn back the clock, it's too late. Too much damage has already been done. Something's broken that no spell will ever be able to fix. Besides, it's not just the two of them anymore. There's Astoria. And Ginny. And promises of eternal love.

He startles as a hand grabs his shoulder and forces him to turn around.

"Draco, I'm sorry... I really am... But God, I miss you... I miss you so much..." Harry whispers.

The honesty in his voice completely disarms Draco and when Harry's mouth gets dangerously close to his, all his wise resolutions fly away.

The kiss is needy and impatient and Draco gasps as Harry pins him against the wall and unbuttons his shirt, and he moans as he feels the Gryffindor's fingers on his chest. He knows where they're heading. And he wants it. Badly. He wants to touch every inch of skin on Harry's body. He wants to feel him. To sink into him. To lose his mind...

But he hasn't lost it yet and the small part of his brain still fully connected reminds him what he has to do.

"You'd better go..." He tells Harry as he breaks the kiss.

Each word stabs him in his heart and he already regrets them. If only he could only think of himself, for once...

"What?" Harry asks, incredulously.

"You know as well as I do that there is no way back..."

Harry nods and a single tear rolls down his cheek.

"Have a happy life, Harry," Draco says as he wipes the brunette's tear away with the back of his hand.

Harry gives him one last look and turns around.

Draco fights the urge to stop him and to beg him to stay, but as he hears the entrance door closing behind Harry, he breaks down and cries. Old love dies hard...

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><p><em><strong>Thanks for reading! Reviews are welcome!<strong>_** :) **

**Published on August.23 2011**


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